Thursday, March 8, 2012

Back Alone

I am and I will be alone for my own greed. Nobody can ever understand my present condition. Everyone thinks I walk with pride and fame, ask me how much lonely I am. I was only known to limited group of people, now known worldwide yet I feel the past experience was far much better. In the times when I burst out in tears, I can only wish to have someone beside me and wipe my tears, but I am only left back with some pictures and posters in my room.

I realized that my work is becoming more and more famous day by day and not me! Most of the people laughs at my work and exclaims me as a time pass. I am also referred as a ruler of my team, I want to ask have I forced anyone to work for or under me? A lot of criticism and a bit of appreciation has totally changed my life. I live a life where “I” exclaim I am the best, but I personally know I am NOTHING. What is the use of being proud of which I don’t deserve at all.

Many people say that they envy me, but what’s there to envy me. I am what I am because of you all. Addictions have become my medicine to emptiness. I cannot explain my loneliness in words. I still stand alone in this big city. I look back for help and find none standing behind; I guess its life where one has to grow on their own. Money has become my God & savior of my life.

Left my family, my love and everyone for my own ambition and desire then why now I don’t want this life and fame. Started from zero and reached to new heights but why I cannot I see anyone from such a height. My busy schedule has hampered many relations and often accused of becoming BIG. I am not big guys, it is just you feel I am!

If this is all it takes to become BIG, I would rather live a zero life where I was damn happy. Miss all the moments I use to enjoy with my family. I usually live a dual personality, my ever joy attitude is just a mask over my sad and depressed expressions. 

Now I wish that I shouldn’t have come so far for my greed. I reveal my secret of working so much: I want to stay busy as much as possible to neglect the sorrow of being lonely. What would have happened if I studied in a small city, I wouldn’t have all that I have today, but I would have been happy and contented! With all the success and pride I walk ALONE with dignity, not even having someone to hold my hand and share it. I am and I will be alone for my own greed.

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